32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
