Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
