guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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