Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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