I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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