ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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