It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
