Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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