I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
