I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
