she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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