why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
