I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize