Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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