god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
