If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
