just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
