so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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