Screwed.edu
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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