Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
