I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
