i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize