You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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