let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
