YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
