I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
