Apparently you make a good broom.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
