"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
