Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
