the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
