apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
