get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
