I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
