we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's just like the Real World with babies
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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