those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
