I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
