So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Randomize
