I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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