You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I fill condoms, not promises.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
