Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
