In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
