Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
