Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
