I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize