Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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