I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
