make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
