the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
