Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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