Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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