He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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