Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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