So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
