I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
