also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
