I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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