i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
