Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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