i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
did i just pee glitter
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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