I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
