I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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