oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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