He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
