I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
