you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
