new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize