grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
