I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
