The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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