Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
