He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
