Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
