How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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