you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
