On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
