if i can run in heels then i can drive
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
