i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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