i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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