It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
