yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
