Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
