Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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