i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize