butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
