6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just forgot I was standing up.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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