Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
