just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
