Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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