It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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