Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
